I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
