wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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