A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
