You're so nebulous sometimes
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I want her autograph on my taint
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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