from now on my penis is your penis
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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