he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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