wakey wakey hands off snakey
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
