why didn't you poke me back
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
