i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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