..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
