I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
