sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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