mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize
