why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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