so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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