He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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