Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
