Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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