Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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