Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
