Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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