I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
