So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
