Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I want her autograph on my taint
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
