well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
