He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I cockslap morals
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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