So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
