So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you win again, gameday.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
