We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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