My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
