Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
