There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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