conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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