im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
bring money and cleavage
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
