I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
