Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
