He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
