A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
