just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
