and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
