I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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