$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he was CRYING into my vagina
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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