Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
