i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize