i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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