the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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