One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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