I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Text me some of your sweat
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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