Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
