I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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