so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im drinking this country out of the recession.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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