I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
