I wanna bring you to show and tell
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
