I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
