We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I don't deserve a penis
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
