some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
