yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
