Don't make out with my wife yet
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
