You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
