I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
