the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
