Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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