If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
