Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Randomize
