It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
