I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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