By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
